Friday, October 17, 2008

The rough and final drafts of the Jack-in-the-Box policy on humane treatement

The final draft:

Beef and pork suppliers
Transporting and unloading
Animals should be transported in a manner that promotes good health and condition, including adequate protection from inclement weather and sufficient area for movement.
Trailers should be cleaned regularly.
Animals should be allowed to rest following unloading, and the unloading area must be in good condition, free of broken gates, sharp edges or other impairments that could cause injury.

The rough draft:

These piece of crap lawmakers who don't care about these animals any more than we do need some animal welfare policy to show off to all the grandmas with kitties in their district so they forced us into this p.r. bullshit about so-called humane treatment  we all know we have no intention of following.  These god forsaken animals caused this headache in the first place, so take it out on them.  I mean sure you probably want to smack the lawmakers or the old ladies with kitties, but that's not feasible so just smack the animals around a little extra.  Don't worry if some of them don't make it, we've already accounted for that.  Oh, check it out when it gets really hot outside.  The animals have a hard time breathing.  The way they snort for breath, it's so cool, it sounds like a giant fart!  So enjoy the ride, guys.  Oh, almost forgot the unloading policy.  Following unloading, the unloading area, if possible, must be filled with broken gates, sharp edges or other impairments that could cause injury.  Use the impairments to poke or prod, whack over the head or abuse in any way that you see fit.