We can stop worrying about meat consumption causing global warming. The American Meat Institute says so.

The UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has been going around saying,

...animal agriculture sector is responsible for 18% of human-induced greenhouse emissions, greater than the share contributed by the transportation sector.

Not so fast.  According to the American Meat Institute, the number is really 2.8%.  It's about time we had some unbiased figures to counter the UN report.  The sustainable food people can breathe a sigh of relief.  Now whenever anyone accuses them of hypocritically ignoring the single biggest contributor to global warming, they can reply, "Well according to the American Meat Institute..."

The Animal Welfare Society cites the study too.  In a post about the connection between meat consumption and global warming they say,

On first glance, it may seem that the only options are to ignore our impending climatic crisis or to cut out meat altogether.  But rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater perhaps there is a way to raise farm animals sustainability, and to leave a lighter footprint on the planet.

In other words, come on, folks, we've managed to present ourselves as concerned with the welfare of animals while we continue to consume their flesh.  If we can pull off that sleight of hand, I'm sure we can also continue to consider ourselves good progressive environmentalists without giving up the meat we crave.

The American Rationalization Institute has a special award for the Animal Welfare Society, Farm Forward, Humane Farm Animal Care and sustainable food organizations.  They'll all be dueling for the coveted Golden Rationalization Award and accompanying Happy Slaughtered Steer trophy, to be presented at the annual gathering, where the dinner menu will include thick, juicy steaks from animals lovingly slaughtered by humane family farmers.

Group photo at the local family farm

Family farmers give animals such a better life because they use the personal touch like naming them, talking to them, and so forth.

--- letter to New York Times in support of family farms

Okay, everybody, group photo.  One of the great things about family farms, like the one you all came from, is the compassionate farmers there give you names.  That personalizes things.  It shows the meat purchasing public the family farmers care about the well-being of their animals.  Hold on, is that Luther on the right or Earl?  I know Jeb had a white patch over his eye, but I can't see it any more.  Ed, or is it Josh, why don't you switch places with Barnaby, or is it Nate?  We want the bigger carcasses on the end, smaller carcasses in the middle.  I tell you, it was a lot easier telling you guys apart before.  Now you all look kind of the same.  Come on, strike a pose here, it's not like you guys haven't been photographed before.  The photographer from the Animal Welfare Institute came out to your farm and snapped all those shots of you guys in green fields, nuzzling with the farmers.  That's right, Jenny, give Bill, or is it Zack, a nice pat, just like you did in that really heartwarming shot taken at your family farm.  Hold on, we've got an empty hook in the back, where's Alex?  Late as usual.  What's that?  Okay, we can't wait for Alex.  Apparently, he struggled too much and the stun bolt didn't pierce his brain right the first time and now Compassionate Family Farmer Tom has to lock him in place and try again.  Ready?  Say "cheese."  Nah, that's more of a dairy cow thing.  Say "porterhouse steak."  Cone on, fellows, that's photographer humor.  I'm trying to loosen you guys up.  Arturo, or are you Fritz, this is way too frustrating, you're blocking Bertrand, or is it Elmore?  I swear, next time I agree to do a group portrait of the happy cattle at the family farm, I'm only doing the before shots, not the after.

Animal welfare groups demand the humane treatment of family farmers and, oh yeah, animals too.

One recurring theme in the so-called humane treatment movement is the glorification of the family farm.  The Animal Welfare Institute says...

Only family farms can earn our seal.  Families who own, labor on and earn a meaningful livelihood from their farms have a true commitment and connection to their animals that is lost on factory farms managed by distant, corporate owners and run by hired hands.

And in keeping with that "true commitment and connection to their animals," they slaughter them.  Using this logic, the animal welfare institute obviously considers the person who murders a friend morally superior to the person who murders a stranger.

Humane treatment advocates are always contrasting the family farmers to the "distant, corporate owners."  They rail against the impersonal factory farms, using the same kind of stock populist language that has always been used to demonize corporations.  They're appalled by the way industrialization of agriculture has separated us from the land and the food we eat, i.e. on the deleterious effect it's had on humans.  The suffering of the farm animals is nothing more than a support point in their indictment of greedy, impersonal factory farms and their yearning for their lost agrarian utopia.

You want proof that concern for the suffering of animals isn't the primary motivation of these self-proclaimed animal advocates?  How about this?  They eat them.

Promoting animal welfare by stapling green numbers in their ears

You are one lucky steer is all I can say, number six.  You were born on an animal welfare-approved farm.  That means you get to romp around in green fields under blue skies until your number is called, which, don't worry, won't be for a while yet since Number One's just getting locked into the head clamp now.  If you'd been born on one of those inhumane factory farms that care nothing about the well-being of animals  ... excuse me, Number Two!  It's your turn, Number Two!  Hey, no worries, Number Six, but you might want to start romping around soon because it looks like this Animal Welfare-approved farmer likes to work quickly.

You know, you should be proud of yourself, Number Six.  You're making so many people feel so much better about themselves.  You see, a lot of people are appalled at the conditions of the factory farms.  Not appalled enough to stop eating animals like yourself, mind you, but appalled just enough to be willing to pay a little extra for the flesh of animals that got a chance to romp around in green fields under blue skies before they were slaughtered.  Excuse me.  Number Three!  It's your turn, Number Three!

I only wish you got a chance to meet the compassionate people who will be eating you, Number Six.  They're really going to enjoy it and not just because they crave the taste of your tender flesh.  They'll be able to eat you with a clean conscience.  You don't know anything about consciences because you're just an animal.  A conscience is what helps us humans do things that are morally just, like slaughter and consume other living beings ... oops, that's not what I meant to say, I must have gotten distracted by the wailing of Number Three.  It seems the friendly Animal Welfare-approved farmer didn't slaughter Number Three properly the first time and he's in an awful lot of pain right now.  Hopefully he can hearken back to his memories of romping around in green fields under blue skies and it will distract him from his pain.

Number Four!  Number Five!  It's your turn.  Hey, what's up, Number Six, you're shaking, you look so frightened.  Please don't wast this time when you should out romping around, your turn's getting closer.  Ah, I see.  I know why you're not romping around in green fields under blue skies.  It's because you're actually stuck in a cage.  I can explain.  When we talk about romping around in green fields under blue skies, it's more of a symbolic thing.  It's our intention that counts and our intention is to get people who buy Animal Welfare-approved products to think you get to romp around.  You're a realist, Number Six, I can see that you are.  You understand that people who like thinking they care about your welfare have a lot of disposable income.  Well, enough said about that, eh?

Well, Number Six, it's almost time.  I know you'd thank us if you could for bringing you up here rather than in one of those inhumane factory farms.  Come here, let me give you a pat on the head before you go.  That's something they'd never do at one of those impersonal factory farms.  They'd send you straight to the slaughter without giving you a friendly pat on the head.  That really gets me so worked up.  What kind of inhumane people would slaughter a fellow living being without giving it a friendly pat on the head first?  Oh, the world we live in!  Well, Number Six, looks like the friendly animal welfare-approved farmer is calling you.

We dined on a delectable Animal Welfare Approved proscuitto

The Animal Welfare Institute, an organization whose self-proclaimed mission is to "eliminate cruelty," took the good word to the Slow Food Nation gathering in San Francisco.

Market Outreach Coordinator Emily Lancaster ... demonstrated the close quarters endured by the majority of laying hens in the US.

They talked more about preventing the cruel treatment of animals, declarations were made, petitions were signed and then it was time for a well-earned dinner.

The highlight of the day was a fundraising Slow Dinner held at Woodward's Garden on Mission Street.  Restauranteurs Margie Conrad and Dana Tommasino delivered an absolutely perfect evening ... Dana's menu featured Jude Becker's Animal Welfare Approved proscuitto and pork from the Animal Welfare Approved pig farmers at the Niman Ranch.

As we chewed the mouth-watering proscuitto, so lovingly and conscientiously slaughtered by our Animal Welfare Approved pig farmers at Niman Ranch, then prepared by our wonderful, world class chef, Jude, we couldn't help but reflect on how Animal Welfare Approved labeling has improved the lives of so many animals.  I took another bite of that dreamy proscuitto.   As its heavenly taste melted into my mouth, I was positive I could taste the gratitude of that former pig, so happy to be born and raised in an Animal Welfare Approved farm.  You're so very welcome, I replied to that former pig through bites of his delicious tender flesh, so lovingly prepared by Animal Welfare approved chef Jude.

The wine, so generously donated by Beringer, was delightful.

It so beautifully complemented the proscuitto, sliced from the flank of a pig who, if he were still alive, which he surely would be if he weren't so lovingly and considerately slaughtered in his prime of life by Animal Approved pig farmer Will Harris, would attribute the tenderness of his flesh to the loving care bestowed upon him by the Animal Approved pig farmers at Niman Ranch.  This wise and grateful pig understood, as did all the compassionate souls consuming him at the candlelight dinner, that if this proscuitto we were eating came from a pig on a factory farm, it would never have blended so remarkably with our truly delectable wine.  

The feeling of warmth and camaraderie filled the air as we all had a second helping of proscuitto and contemplated the wonderful things we were doing to prevent animal cruelty.  One of the Animal Welfare Approved pig farmers from Niman Ranch proposed a toast.  "To all the money us family farmers are making by having the label Animal Welfare Approved on our pork."  Silly man.  He had one delectable glass of wine too many.  What he meant to toast was the compassion of all those kind souls out there who insist on only eating meat slaughtered by Animal Welfare Approved farmers.

As I put the finishing touches on my truly amazing dinner, I reflected on how it was with a straight face, bereft of sarcasm, self-ridicule or irony, I could utter the phrase, "animal welfare approved proscuitto."  Oops.  No I didn't.  That silly pig farmer from Niman Ranch who had one glass of delectable wine too many got me all muddled.

Thanks to everyone who made this such a spectacular event.

Thanks especially to the pigs, without whose flesh this truly memorable dinner never could have happened.

Thank God we were slaughtered by a local farmer instead of one of those big, impersonal corporations!

The Animal Welfare Institute decrees...

Only family farms can earn our seal.  Families who own, labor on and earn a meaningful livelihood from their farms have a true commitment and connection to the animals that is lost on factory farms managed by distant, corporate owners and run by hired hands.

This is a very important distinction to the animal.  I mean the last thing they want is an impersonal slaughter by someone they barely know.  Put down that stun bolt gun, you hired hand of a distant corporate owner, get away from me, I don't want to get slaughtered by a stranger, I want a bolt jammed into my brain by that friendly guy in the overalls who pats me on the head every morning.

The meaningful livelihood part the Animal Welfare Institute insists on is important too.  The slaughtered animal would scream in terror at the shackling and approaching blade if it knew the money earned by its carcass would go into the coffers of some corporate behemoth far away.  Now if the carcass money goes to the happy, local farmer, well that's another story.  This happy local farmer can use the money to buy, befriend and slaughter more animals, who will be just as grateful to be slaughtered in the intimate setting of a local farm rather than the impersonal farm of those distant, corporate owners.

The slaughtered animal would be especially re-assured knowing its slaughter earned the Animal Welfare Institute seal of approval, since the Animal Welfare Institute cares so deeply about the welfare of animals.  I give my slaughter my seal of approval too! the grateful animal would exclaim.