Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Group photo at the local family farm

Family farmers give animals such a better life because they use the personal touch like naming them, talking to them, and so forth.
--- letter to New York Times in support of family farms

Okay, everybody, group photo.  One of the great things about family farms, like the one you all came from, is the compassionate farmers there give you names.  That personalizes things.  It shows the meat purchasing public the family farmers care about the well-being of their animals.  Hold on, is that Luther on the right or Earl?  I know Jeb had a white patch over his eye, but I can't see it any more.  Ed, or is it Josh, why don't you switch places with Barnaby, or is it Nate?  We want the bigger carcasses on the end, smaller carcasses in the middle.  I tell you, it was a lot easier telling you guys apart before.  Now you all look kind of the same.  Come on, strike a pose here, it's not like you guys haven't been photographed before.  The photographer from the Animal Welfare Institute came out to your farm and snapped all those shots of you guys in green fields, nuzzling with the farmers.  That's right, Jenny, give Bill, or is it Zack, a nice pat, just like you did in that really heartwarming shot taken at your family farm.  Hold on, we've got an empty hook in the back, where's Alex?  Late as usual.  What's that?  Okay, we can't wait for Alex.  Apparently, he struggled too much and the stun bolt didn't pierce his brain right the first time and now Compassionate Family Farmer Tom has to lock him in place and try again.  Ready?  Say "cheese."  Nah, that's more of a dairy cow thing.  Say "porterhouse steak."  Cone on, fellows, that's photographer humor.  I'm trying to loosen you guys up.  Arturo, or are you Fritz, this is way too frustrating, you're blocking Bertrand, or is it Elmore?  I swear, next time I agree to do a group portrait of the happy cattle at the family farm, I'm only doing the before shots, not the after.