Friday, November 21, 2008

The rough and final drafts of the Hormel Foods position on humane handling

The final draft:

A video was released that showed images from a hog farm in Iowa.  It is important to note that the farm in the video is not a Hormel Foods' farm and the people are not Hormel Foods' employees.  We find the images in the video appalling and they are inconsistent with our standards and industry standards for humane handling.  The abuse on the video depicted practices that are completely unacceptable.  Animal welfare and animal husbandry have always been top priority at Hormel Foods.  This is simply about treating animals humanely because it's the right thing to do.

The rough draft:

A video was released by some do gooder freakshow punk that showed some images from a hog farm in Iowa of a hog getting dunked in boiling water while it was still living.  It is important to note that it was a freaking hog!  You hear us, a freaking hog!  So the workers got a little carried away and they dunked it in boiling water when it was still alive.  And now it's dead.  Are we missing something here?  What part of it's a freaking hog don't you understand?  Yeah, you're all so civilized.  You want to think we treat the hog to a five star spa experience before we slit its throat.  You know why we slit its throat?  For you!  Because you've got a taste for hog flesh!  No hypocrite with a taste for hog flesh is going to get all high handed with us and act like you're so deeply horrified about what happened in that video.  Oh, we almost forgot.  It's a freaking hog!  You people make us sick with all your holier than thou preaching.  Now we got to waste time acting like we give a shit so people who don't give a shit any more than we do can read it and think we're all so nice and civilized.  You want us to say how humanely we treat 'em, how we give 'em room to turn around and stretch their little legs?  Are you forgetting something?  We freaking kill them!  So you can eat their flesh.  Okay, fine we'll jot down a few bullshit words saying how appalled we are, how that video is inconsistent with our standards, how we demand our suppliers adhere to the strictest standards and stick it on our website and you hypocrites can go back to salivating over the hog flesh on your plates and saying grace like you live in some polite and genteel world where hogs live like little princes until they magically turn into pork.  You want us to leave you with a Hormel humane treatment policy?  Fine.  Not giving two shits about what happens to these hogs has always been top priority at Hormel Foods.  You know why?  Because they're freaking hogs!  Now will you leave us the fuck alone?