Sunday, September 4, 2011

Meet Kristen, the newest California Happy Cow

America viewed the casting videos and selected Kristen as the newest Happy Cow in the California Milk Board advertising campaign. We're told we can follow Kristen's experiences as a Happy Cow at Really? The milk board really wants its milk drinkers to follow the life of a dairy cow? In the first commercial, we'll see the farmer remove Kristen's calf when he's only a day old and ship him off to become veal. Kristen will be so traumatized the farmer will have a difficult time strapping her into the milking machine. In the next commercial, he'll shoot Kristen full of hormones to increase her milk output. She'll be forced to produce ten times the amount of milk she normally would. When her milk productions lapses, the farmer will artificially inseminate her, remove her calf and repeat the process. We won't be able to follow Kristen much longer at Her life span would normally be around twenty five years, but her milk output will decrease to unacceptable levels after four, so in the final video of Kristen's brief existence, we'll see the farmer apply the stun bolt gun to her head then the commercial will fade to black. It will be time for Real California Milk to audition for a new Happy Cow to replace Kristen. Here's a group shot of all the Happy Cows who produce real California Milk waiting to see who will become the next Happy Cow.