We can stop worrying about meat consumption causing global warming. The American Meat Institute says so.

The UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has been going around saying,

...animal agriculture sector is responsible for 18% of human-induced greenhouse emissions, greater than the share contributed by the transportation sector.

Not so fast.  According to the American Meat Institute, the number is really 2.8%.  It's about time we had some unbiased figures to counter the UN report.  The sustainable food people can breathe a sigh of relief.  Now whenever anyone accuses them of hypocritically ignoring the single biggest contributor to global warming, they can reply, "Well according to the American Meat Institute..."

The Animal Welfare Society cites the study too.  In a post about the connection between meat consumption and global warming they say,

On first glance, it may seem that the only options are to ignore our impending climatic crisis or to cut out meat altogether.  But rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater perhaps there is a way to raise farm animals sustainability, and to leave a lighter footprint on the planet.

In other words, come on, folks, we've managed to present ourselves as concerned with the welfare of animals while we continue to consume their flesh.  If we can pull off that sleight of hand, I'm sure we can also continue to consider ourselves good progressive environmentalists without giving up the meat we crave.

The American Rationalization Institute has a special award for the Animal Welfare Society, Farm Forward, Humane Farm Animal Care and sustainable food organizations.  They'll all be dueling for the coveted Golden Rationalization Award and accompanying Happy Slaughtered Steer trophy, to be presented at the annual gathering, where the dinner menu will include thick, juicy steaks from animals lovingly slaughtered by humane family farmers.

Taking a lunch break from saving the planet

-- Welcome to Taco Bell.  Can I take your order?

-- Yeah, leafleting for the environment all day sure gives you a big appetite.  Can I have two Burrito Supremes?  Oh, and you get extra meat for 49 cents, right?

-- Yup.

-- Cool.  By the way, I know you're not the decision maker, but I see the menu board uses really bright lights.  If you used fluorescent lights instead, you'd reduce energy consumption.

-- You say you were leafleting for the environment?

-- Yeah, trying to fight all these lying hypocrites who deny their actions are causing global warming.

-- You know, meat consumption is responsible for 18% of all greenhouse emissions.

-- That's a bunch of crap!

-- Even more than automobiles and airplanes combined.

-- It's a lie!  I deny it!

-- According to a UN report, if people stopped eating meat...

-- What?  I can't hear you.  Your microphone's breaking up.

-- I said if people stopped eating meat, greenhouse emissions would be significantly reduced.

-- Sorry, dude, still can't hear you, music's too loud.  This band rocks.  The bass player has a green bass to support the cause.

-- Okay, so your order is two beef burritos with extra meat.  Please pull up to the window.

-- Look, dude, suppose what you say is true.  Here's the thing.  Say it takes me half an hour to eat my ham and eggs for breakfast.  Then say a half hour for lunch and an hour for dinner.  That's only two hours of eating meat.  Which means the other 22 hours of the day I'm fighting for the environment.  How many people are that committed to their cause?  But I'm happy to do it.  It's my duty.  The future of our planet's at stake ... Mmm, speaking of steak, could you throw in one of those steak tacos?

-- Two beef burritos, extra beef, and one steak taco.

-- Hey, I got a box of "End Global Warming Now" bumperstickers in the back of my Prius.  Want one?

-- Maybe you could get one that says, "End global warming not now but right after I finish eating my beef burritos."

-- Damn, I almost forgot.  I'm going to a global warming meet-up to talk about ways we can reduce our carbon footprints and the folks there will be famished.  Can you give me a dozen more beef burritos, extra beef?

-- You got it.  Please pull up to the window.

Polar bears are the true cause of global warming

As governor, Sarah Palin sued the Interior Department on Alaska's behalf to get polar bears taken off the endangered species list, claiming it cripples oil and gas development in sensitive areas.  In her VP debate, she grudgingly acknowledged that global warming exists but said she didn't know what causes it.  All she needs to do now is complete the circle.  Blame global warming on the polar bears.  Her supporters will eat it up.  Those selfish, wasteful polar bears.  It's bad enough that their presence keeps us from heeding Sarah Palin's calls to "drill, baby, drill."  Now it turns out, on top of that, they're responsible for a crisis that threatens the future of the planet?  And we're protecting them?   They'll be scatched off the endangered species list in less time than it takes Sarah Palin to construct a complete sentence.  Then she can tell the people she encourages to shoot wolves from airplanes to bag a few polar bears while they're at it.  And once the polar bears are gone, there won't be any more excuses not to drill, baby, drill.