Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The steer selfishly tries to prevent the progressives from enjoying his flesh.

434! We know you’re out there somewhere. It’s time to become Animal-welfare approved steak. Don’t you think you’re being just a little selfish hiding in the very grass the animal welfare-approved farmer let you graze on? Think of all the good progressive people out there whose consciences won't permit them to eat meat from factory farms that cruelly abuse animals. They'll only meat carved from the carcass of cattle like you, who get to roam in the open air, graze in the green fields. Do you have any idea how happy you’re going make these people? Do you have any idea how much sweeter the chardonnay that accompanies your flesh will taste when they can reassure themselves you lived a carefree life before the animal welfare-approved farmer humanely applied the stun bolt gun that lovingly shattered your skull? In between bites, they can express righteous indignation about the horrible conditions of factory farms. They can quote each other passages from Michael Pollan essays. They can put bumperstickers on their Priuses demanding bigger cages for farm animals. And you, you want to hide in the grass and cruelly prevent these progressives from enjoying these pleasures? That’s precisely the kind of cruelty the Animal Welfare Institute wants to eliminate.