Let’s see we’ve got Conscientious Carnivores and Compassionate Carnivores. So don’t want to offend, you know, but it’s hard to keep the two of them straight. They both shed crocodile tears over the plight of farm animals and chatter endlessly about their personal conflictedness as they chow down on the remains of said animals. But there must be differences. Is it like belts in martial arts? Does a conscientious carnivore work his way up to becoming a compassionate carnivore? Who gets first dibs on the shank? Maybe the compassionate carnivores came first and the conscientious carnivores were an offshoot. They had doctrinal differences, split off like the Lutherans. Or maybe it was a naked power-grabbing move. The conscientious carnivores were sick and tired of being in the shadows while the author of Conscientious Carnivores, Catherine Friend (as in with friends like this animals don’t need enemies), was out doing the talk show circuit, getting reviewed by the NYT, hobnobbing with Michael Pollan. Michael Pollan could tell them both there’s plenty of money to be made off all those hungry progressives out there, salivating for a juicy steak and a good rationalization. Why don’t the two of you join me? Michael Pollan would say. All three of us can be Cash-earning Carnvivores.
