I was down. I wanted to be uplifted. So I headed over to the Ben & Jerry's site for talk about peace and goodwill in multi-colored fonts. I navigated my way to their statement on animal husbandry and, guess what, those sneaky ex-burnouts are pulling a fast one on us. They got us mesmerized by the lava lamp of their progressive vision so we wouldn't notice what they were really saying. They start out by quoting an American Veterinary Medical Association statement about humans being responsible for all aspects of animal well-being, including slaughter. Say what? Slaughter part of well-being? Isn't that irony a little much, even for them?
I went to the AVMA site and read the passage:
Ensuring animal welfare is a human responsibility that includes consideration for all aspects of animal well-being, including proper housing, management, nutrition, disease prevention and treatment, responsible care, humane handling and, when necessary, humane euthanasia.
Now here's Ben & Jerry quoting the above passage:
Animal welfare is defined by the American Veterinary Medical Association as the human responsibility that encompasses all aspects of animal well-being, including proper housing, management, nutrition, disease prevention and treatment, responsible care, humane handling, slaughter, and, when necessary, humane euthanasia.
Check the links. Do you see slaughter in the AVMA passage? No. Ben & Jerry added that part about slaughter. Dudes of peace and goodwill, what were you thinking? Did you think our eyes would be so overflowing with tears of fellowship after we read about your 50 ways to promote peace that we'd overlook your little addition? Or that we'd miss it because we were chuckling so hard at all your ice cream-themed puns, like the one about licking global warming? Or maybe you thought after reading all your talk about your progressive values we'd be in such a rush to go outside and do our part, I don't know, maybe by taking support Ben & Jerry's petitions door to door, that we'd turn off our computers before we noticed you added the word slaughter.
Look, nobody's saying the AVMA statement isn't filled with its own kind of hypocrisy. All their talk about humane treatment is a PR cover for the abuses of the self-proclaimed pig loving people at Hormel, like swine veterinarian Darly Olson. But they didn't include the word slaughter as one of the components of animal well-being. You did, Ben & Jerry.
Why? Maybe it has something to do with Ben & Jerry's 50 ways to promote peace. Adding the word slaughter to the passage on animal well-being was how they could generate peace and goodwill and overall good vibes with the local Vermont manufacturers of stun bolt guns and other slaughtering equipment.
Of course, no Ben & Jerry's post would be complete without a few new flavors:
Stun Bolt Berry Blast
Awful Offal and Cream
More Ben & Jerry's here.