Friday, January 7, 2011

Temple Grandin's House of Slaughterhouses

Folks, have you had it up to here with stubborn animals that refuse to enter the killing room? Then maybe it’s time to replace that old slaughterhouse with one of the many new designs at Temple Grandin’s House of Slaughterhouses. Whether you’re a big supplier or a local family farm, we’ve got the perfect solutions for all your killing needs. Folks, I’m considered the authority on farm animal welfare, so every slaughterhouse from Temple Grandin’s House of Slaughterhouses comes with unbeatable PR.You’ll get kudos from PETA the Humane Society and countless other animal rights organizations.

At Temple Grandin's House of Slaughterhouses, we’ve taken my cutting edge insights into animal behavior to create state-of-the-art slaughterhouses that will improve killing efficiency and increase profits! See, the problem with ordinary slaughterhouses is cattle often refuse to enter the chute, fall down and jam up the entryway. And a downed cow means downed profits! But my curved cattle chutes take advantage of the natural circling behavior of cattle, so they move toward the killing room peacefully, without holding up the line. Or maybe your animals slip and fall when you’re trying to restrain them in the holding pen. Then get rid of that old slick concrete and check out the non-slip flooring options from Temple Grandin’s House of Slaughterhouses. We start with the highest quality concrete then we use a special grooving machine to make it virtually slip-proof. We haven’t forgotten you pig killers, either. This handsome diamond-patterned flooring was specially designed for the unique shape and texture of pig hoofs.

Best of all, when you shop Temple Grandin’s House of Slaughterhouses, you can rest assured that everything comes with our risk-free, six-month guarantee. If after six months, you’re not convinced your new slaughterhouse has improved your killing efficiency by at least fifty percent, return it and we’ll give you your money back, no questions asked. Big companies like Hormel and McDonald’s swear by the slaughterhouses they got from me and you will too. But don’t just take my word for it. Listen to what some of our satisfied customers have to say.

"Thanks to the curved chutes I got from Temple Grandin’s House of Slaughterhoues I kill more cattle in a day than I used to kill in a week."

--- Billy S.

All that slipping and sliding used to drive me nuts. It lowered productivity and the video of my workers beating downed cows with a metal rod resulted in negative publicity that had our PR department working overtime. So I went to Temple Grandin’s House of Slaughterhouses. She showed me how her non-stick flooring keeps the animals from slipping and I couldn’t be happier.

-- Ron K.

So if stubborn animals who don’t want to die are making your slaughterhouse less efficient, depriving you of the profits you deserve, give Temple Grandin's House of Slaughterhouses a call today. Call in the next fifteen minutes and we’ll throw in these mats made from woven tire threads, guaranteed to reduce hoof damage, absolutely free. Kill more. Make more. At Temple Grandin’s house of slaughterhouses.